Dealing with a Terminal Diagnosis
For most families, a diagnosis of cancer or other serious illness represents a crisis. Family members find that they must adjust not only to the diagnosis, but also to a prolonged period of treatment which can present a major challenge to both parents and children.
Talking to children about illness can be a very difficult thing to do, and may be upsetting for both you and the child.
However, involving children in the situation and letting them know what is happening can be very supportive to them and can help both them and you to cope better with the illness. Children can sense when something is wrong because they are very sensitive to tension and stress. If you try to protect them by saying nothing, they may fear that something even worse is happening. Ideally talk to your children as soon as possible after diagnosis. In this way you determine what information they know.
Children’s experience of serious illness may be different from that of adults, their sense of time can be very different. Reactions will vary by age, personality, understanding and other experiences. They may regress in their behaviour, experience physical symptoms themselves or act out of character. Talking honestly using age-appropriate language is important, but try not to overwhelm them. Keep your school up to date with any changes and include children in processes/ visits where possible if they choose to be involved. You know your children best, trust your sense of how to support them, but speak to us if you would like to talk it through.
It is important to remember that there are no absolute rights or wrongs.
Like most of parenting, the actual words you use are not always as important as letting your children know that you are there for them, and that they can bring their questions and fears to you. You may even find that as you talk about your illness, you and your children develop a closer connection that strengthens your discussions about other issues.